This photo is so incredibly precious to me…and a little humorous because I am giving this look to my best friend as my husband washes my feet. lol.
Honestly, it’s because she knows more than almost anyone what this moment meant to me.
September 14, 2019 my husband of 11 years and I renewed our vows.
It took YEARS of surrendering, fighting, talking it out, crying, forgiving, more surrendering, more talking, more arguing, more crying, more surrendering in order to get to this place of true healing for my marriage.
Years ago Jacob and I had divorce papers filled out and sitting on my desk.
We were completely separated for almost 9 months. So separated that I was in another relationship. So separated that I had sex with my boyfriend while we stayed in New York for almost a week.
I can hardly think on it without cringing and getting emotional. It’s not something I think about a lot but since I have felt called to share my marriage miracle I have to share that ugly part as well. Thankfully there has been so much healing in my heart that at one point I couldn’t even remember the boyfriend’s name. Total blank! You may think that is sad but honestly, it was a complete joy-filled moment for me. I prayed that God would erase the memories I have with that sin and He continues to do so.
The true separation wasn’t really between me and Jacob. It was with me and Jesus.
During that dark time in my life I justified my sin, my choices but the truth was that I was in such a depression and moving further and further away from God.
I became addicted to sexual sins: pornography, sexting with a male friend, and then dating someone which led to sex, an affair if you’d like to call it that.
satan was working me and I was letting him.
We stopped going to church. We stopped being a family.
While still pursuing our divorce and me dating long-distance, Jacob and I went on a trip to visit friends. This is where my heart truly broke and I made the turn to go back to Jesus…and my husband.
It was incredibly hard. For over a year, I struggled. Struggled really badly. I missed my sin. I missed the freedom to do whatever I wanted. I didn’t want to do the hard work of helping my marriage heal. I went back to boyfriend via messaging and phone calls. It was so hard to let go.
Thankfully, boyfriend let go for me and it truly was one of the kindest acts someone has ever done for me. He was falling in love with someone else and I was married. It was the 100% the right thing to do.
Boyfriend and I have absolutely no contact and haven’t for years but I pray he and his girlfriend…wife (?) are doing incredibly well.
My husband never gave up on me. Never.
And over time, with hard work and focusing on JESUS, we have been able to completely heal from the past.
We are now doing full time ministry in the Midwest. We are more in love than ever. And we are practicing a Holiness in our family that I have never experienced. It’s beautiful!
Renewing our vows was the cherry on top of our restoration.
Friends, we were so incredibly broken but through repentance, obedience, and love for God our marriage was refined and restored. It’s growing everyday.
I no longer am addicted to pornography or masturbation. I no longer have those sexual desires that seemed to rule me every single day.
I promise that your spouse is worth fighting for.
Jesus is worth fighting for.
You can make it through the hard nights and the lonely days.
You can make it through the sobbing and the feelings of literal pain and ache in your heart.
Your marriage can heal.
There is VICTORY in Jesus.