No, I am not exaggerating. My size 18/20 butt sat down in the plane seat and it…was…snug.
So snug in fact that if I lifted my thigh at all the arm rest next to me would raise into the air because part of my thigh was under it.
Thankfully it was a small flight and no one was sitting next to me but y’all I am not even going to lie..I thought about dieting. I thought about starving myself. I thought about going back on a crazy workout plan.
I had to calm myself that night as thoughts raced in my mind about what a whale I have become.
This is me leaving our hotel for the airport.
It’s really hard to be body positive and not want to run for Weight Watchers when you realize that you’re almost too big for a standard plane seat.
I never want to return to dieting…never ever ever but I also don’t want to add a new insecurity into my life…NOT BEING ABLE TO FIT IN STANDARD SEATS WHILE TRAVELING.
So what’s a plus size girl to do?
Well, I know I have to put my mental and physical health as a priority.
Am I beautiful at a size 18? Yes. Would I be beautiful at a size 24 or 32 if I were to gain in size? Yes.
But I don’t want to trade one insecurity in for another.
There HAS to be a way to be body positive and also pursue a healthy weight loss.
The problem is that most of us want to lose weight so that we fit in with society…because small people are better, and because we are brainwashed to believe that skinny is the best.
None of that is true but we live our lives that way. Most of us are embarrassed of our bodies and fear being fat. Actually and truly FEAR it.
I’d like to think that pursuing weight loss because you TRULY want to live in freedom and not have any insecurity plaguing you can work.
Because what good will it do my heart if I am confident wearing any style of clothes but I am uncomfortable going anywhere because I may not fit in the seats?
This whole thing is a journey. I go back and forth on all this. I struggle. I get confused. I stand firm. I back down. I get twirled around. It’s the journey. I am human and I am desperately trying to figure all this out.
I will NEVER go back to dieting. I believe in Intuitive Eating but I think I need to start being a little more honest with myself when I ask what foods are going to help me feel good?
I think almost not fitting on the plane helped me to realize that I need to put my health as a priority and truly focus on bettering my life.
Being body positive has to be more than being happy and fabulous as a fat person or as a person who is comfortable in their skin. It should be more whole, more balanced. It should be about taking care of your body and the things it carries: your emotions, your heart, your thoughts, your soul.
I’ve got the confident in my size thing down…for the most part. 😉 Now I just need to make sure I am really taking care of the body God’s gifted me with.
How do you feel about all this? I’d love to hear your thoughts.