I am NOT a Skinny Woman Trapped Inside A Big Body

I used to believe this.

I believed that the “real” me was trapped inside my 200+ lb body. I felt like the fat held me back from truly living my life, from being happy, and from pursuing my dreams.

How terribly sad that I not only believed that but posted these things for other people to possibly believe about themselves as well.

I weighed in today and I weigh 245 lbs.

Since adding some exercise into my routine and eating more nutritious foods I have lost 15 lbs. in 3 weeks. I’ll explain why I’m bringing this up…

I have lost 15 lbs. without counting calories, without staying away from carbs, without restricting myself, without obsessing, without hating my body, without guilt, and without all of the negative things dieting can bring with it.

Here are some of the foods I’ve enjoyed in the last 3 weeks while losing weight.

I am practicing something called Intuitive Eating and trust me, I am still trying to figure it all out.

The reason I am monitoring my weight is because with the medication I am on for my anxiety it caused me to gain 25 lbs. in my first 6 months of being on it. I weighed 260 lbs. before I decided I wanted to help my body combat the effects of the medicine.

I am not trying to release some skinny me. I am trying to help heal my body, mind, and heart honestly.

I cannot practice dieting. It doesn’t work for me. It has caused so much heartache, binge eating, bulimia some years back, and weight GAIN.

I want to show you that if you practice eating things that make your body feel good but also enjoy the foods you like when you really want them. With Intuitive Eating you ARE practicing healthy behaviors.

With Intuitive Eating I eat when I’m truly hungry and decide what I want to eat…something that will fuel my body and make my gut feel good.

It’s incredible how often I have been choosing to eat more nutritious things. I like eating veggies and meat, fruit and cheese. It doesn’t upset my tummy and I don’t feel greasy and bloated afterwards. FULL but not bloated.

But like I said, when my husband takes me on a lunch date to a yummy restaurant I choose to eat a burger and fries. At our friends daughters birthday party I enjoyed some cake and ice cream.

And yet…My body is responding to my healthy behaviors. I have lost weight. I am not glorifying that as some kind of celebration that a smaller me is better than a bigger me. I am celebrating that my body is responding to Intuitive Eating and exercise.

Most of what I focus on with my blog is APPEARANCE and not HEALTH.

But it is a part of it. I need to be able to talk about health and weight sometimes.

I just wanted it to be clear that I am not releasing some inner thin woman. I am more confident in my size 18 body than I have maybe ever been.

I am healing from YEARS of body hate and food issues.

I may continue to lose weight and I may not. I just know that I am LIVING and not TRYING to be smaller.

It’s a journey. It can be confusing. It can be difficult.

I know the freedom I have felt is so worth it. I never want to go back to the bondage I once was in.

I’d love to encourage you to experience that same freedom.

I am not a diet hater. I don’t want anyone to feel attacked if they’re on a diet. You have to make the best decision for your body and we all come from a different place when approaching our bodies and food.

The biggest point I want to make is that you are so precious. Your life is worth LIVING!

I know I wasn’t living when I was so insecure and scared of being a big woman in a thin obsessed world.

The world is changing darling. Slowly but it is. Body acceptance is more prevalent and I am so happy about that. But even if it wasn’t changing you are worth living the best and fullest life, no matter what size you are!

You are allowed to take up space.

There was never a skinny girl inside my big body just waiting to come out through diet and exercise. There was however a broken girl inside my body that has been released to finally experience freedom.

 

3 thoughts on “I am NOT a Skinny Woman Trapped Inside A Big Body

  1. Tina says:

    I love this!! Every single word of this. I just recently started weight watchers and the first two-three weeks were pretty good, down 12 lbs, but now- I have lost that initial motivation- much earlier than I expected to. I’m saving this post to read- and re-read!! Thank you!

  2. Jacob Lancour says:

    Stay Strong and remember that what you’re doing is helping people. Never forget that

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