The year I gave up my internal struggle of body disapproval.
Body disapproval doesn’t even sound strong enough.
Going back to when I was 18 years old, the summer after I graduated from high school, I was a size 4. I thought I was fat. I loathed my arms and my big thighs. I never wanted to be in someones photo unless I could control what was being seen and not seen. Daily I would think about losing weight and getting healthy and day-dreaming of the day when I would be skinny. How happy I thought I’d then be when I reached my dream size and goal weight.
Moving into my adult life, I started to gain weight…lots of it.
At size 8, I wanted to be a size 4. At size 10, I wanted to be a size 8. At size 12, I wanted to be a size 1o. And at size 16/18, I wanted to just be smaller!
You could easily make the argument that I was obsessed with this roller coaster of wanting to lose weight, working out and dieting, succeeding a little, and then failing.
My eyes have been open and my chains broken free. Dramatic sounding huh? lol.
But seriously, I no longer care about my weight. I am no longer discontent with my size. I have finally believed the truth that I have tried to convince myself of for so long and that’s that BEAUTY HAS NO SIZE.
My pursuit has changed from trying to be thin into striving to only be healthy. Healthy comes in all different shapes and sizes. I’m focusing on putting good things into my body and working out. That’s it. No scale. No desire to be smaller. I am content and happy to stay this size for the rest of my life, as long as I am continuing to pursue the journey of healthy.
Pursuing health does not have to mean that you’re desiring to be thin.
It’s so freeing friends, I cannot even describe the peace that my heart feels. Like a literal weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A pressure is gone.
I have spent years and years wishing I looked differently and it’s been a terrible waste of my energy, emotions, and time.
I should have been enjoying my moments and not being so self-conscious about what I looked like doing whatever I was doing.
I should have felt beautiful in my skin and not compared myself to women who fit society’s standards of beauty…the same society who is always trying to sell you something. Just something to think about.
And most importantly, God didn’t create us to treat our bodies so poorly. We’re made in His image and He created all kinds of colors, shapes, sizes, looks, and features.
If He had one mold for what was beautiful and acceptable then we would all look alike.
I’m so excited to share my love of fashion, encouragement for body positivity, and some lifestyle fun with you.